Hero
by L.C Shipper
Summary: Scully listens to a song that helps her deal with Mulders disappearance and strengthens her will to find him.


Title: Hero  
Author: L.C Shipper  
Rated: G  
Summary: Scully listens to a song that helps her deal with Mulder's   
disappearance and strengthens her will to find him.  
Disclaimer: The X-files do not belong to me. They belong to Chris Carter,   
1013 Productions and the FOX Network. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
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He's been gone for three months. It's so long, too long. I know that   
I have to concentrate on staying healthy, for myself and for the baby. I know  
I have to concentrate on finding Mulder, but I just can't.  
Every time I close my eyes, I see him being tortured to death. He's   
crying out in pain but they won't stop. Mulder's crying out for help, for me,   
but there is nothing I can do. I have no clue where he is and I don't even   
know where to start looking. How am I supposed to save him when I don't even  
know how to save myself?   
Every time I hear him name I think what if I'm too   
late, what if he's already dead. And then I think about what that would mean.   
It would mean he's gone forever and he's not coming back. I'll never see him   
again, never look into his eyes, or taste his kiss. I'll never get to hear   
another one of his stupid jokes that always seem to make me laugh. I'll never   
get to listen to his voice as he tells me how much I mean to him.  
All of a sudden I am back to the day I had found out he had been   
abducted. It feels like there is a thousand-pound weight on my chest and I   
can't breath. Every day it feels like the weight is getting heavier and   
heavier, blocking the oxygen until it fells like my lungs and heart are   
going to explode. I'm dying inside. Without Mulder I *am* dead inside. If he   
dies I know I'll die too.  
I just got home from work. I turn on the radio. I need to keep me   
mind away from this, away from Mulder and death. The radio is still on the   
station Mulder and I listen to. A slow song is playing. I think I've heard it   
a few times, but I've never paid any attention to the lyrics before.  
  
'There's a hero,  
If you look inside your heart  
You don't have to be afraid,  
Of what you are  
There's an answer,  
If you reach into your soul,  
And the sorrow that you know,  
Will melt away'  
  
Sometimes songs can be so realistic. I've always been afraid to let   
people see who I really am. I always kept a part of myself, of my heart,   
locked up behind a wall, and I never let anyone in. Mulder changed all that.  
He broke down the wall and touched my heart. He knows me like no one else   
does or ever will. Mulder is in my heart and in my soul. If I can just look   
inside myself, I can find him there, and then I'll know that no matter what   
happens he will always be with me.  
  
'And then a hero comes along,  
With the strength to carry on  
And you cast you fears aside,  
And you know you can survive  
So when you feel like hope is gone,  
Look inside you and be strong  
And you'll finally see the truth,  
That a hero lies in you'  
  
Sometimes it feels like all hope is gone, like I'll never find Mulder   
or see him again. I know I need to disregard my fears, so I can find the   
strength to survive, to carry on searching for him, but I don't know if I can.  
Mulder always said I was strong. Maybe if I look inside myself I'll see what  
Mulder has seen all along. Mulder has bee right about so many things. He has   
known about the aliens since the beginning. I've only just begun to believe   
in the existence of extra-terrestrial life and understand our government's   
role in colonization, but he has known and been right about the truth all   
along. Maybe he is right about this too.  
  
It's a long road,  
When you face the world alone  
No one reaches out a hand,   
For you to hold  
You can find love,  
If you search within yourself  
And the emptiness you felt,  
Will disappear'  
  
Until a few years ago I was alone. Sure I had friends, boyfriends   
and family, but inside I felt alone. I had felt alone my whole life, until I   
met Mulder. All of a sudden I wasn't alone anymore. I didn't feel alone   
anymore. I felt whole for the first time in my life. I felt loved, I felt   
whole, but it was taken away, and now I feel alone again, empty. If I could   
just remember that no matter what happens, I will always love Mulder and he   
will always love me. If I can remember that love, I can realize that I'm not   
alone and I never will be again, as long as Mulder and I love each other.  
  
'And then a hero comes along,  
With the strength to carry on  
And you cast you fears aside,   
And you know you can survive  
So when you feel like hope is gone,  
Look inside you and be strong  
And you'll finally see the truth,  
That a hero lies in you  
Lord knows,  
Dreams are hard to follow  
But don't let anyone,  
Tear them away  
Hold on,  
There will be tomorrow  
In time,  
You'll find the way'  
  
Mulder has always followed his dreams, especially the ones regarding   
Samantha. He wanted to find out what happened to her, and he did. No matter   
what anyone said or told him about his sister, he didn't give up. I have a   
dream too. My dream is to find Mulder, and no matter what anyone says, I will   
not give up. I might not find him today, but I might tomorrow. As long as   
there is tomorrow I have hope. I'll find him. All it takes is time.  
  
'And then a hero comes along,  
With the strength to carry on  
And you cast your fears aside,  
And you know you can survive  
So when you feel like hope is gone,  
Look inside you and be strong  
And you'll finally see the truth,  
That a hero lies in you  
That a hero lies in you  
That a hero lies in you'  
  
Mulder has played the part of the hero so many times. He's always   
there to save me. He has saved me from my cancer, Antarctica, the Syndicate   
and even myself.  
As the song ends, I wipe away the tears that, until now, I hadn't   
even noticed had fallen. In the three minutes that I had listened to that   
song I realized something. Mulder has saved me so many times. He has always   
been my hero, but this time it's him who needs me, and I have to save him.   
This time I have to be the hero, and I will be. I will find you Mulder, I   
promise.   
  
The End  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
